You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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