I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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