So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
