Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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