I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize
