Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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