I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
my sisters under your porch take her home
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
