Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Randomize
