im having a threesome with these popsicles
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
