1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
i black out too much to be "responsible"
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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