I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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