Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
We're too hungover to prance.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize