please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
