i just wanna soil my oats bro
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
