We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
