Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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