Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
