I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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