On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
