remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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