porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
