the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
so let's talk penis.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize