I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
