I just made out with a guy for $7.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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