I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
