If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
