He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Blood and glitter go together right?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
