reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
