nut hugger
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
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