Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
