My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
