Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
