when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
