Who wears a wallet chain?!
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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