people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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