I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
