You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
