At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
