Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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