I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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