No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
