she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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