we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
