I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
