It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
