WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
