youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
