how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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