no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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