Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
