So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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