running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Hippo gnu deer
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize