all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
