if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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