I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
