The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
