Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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