i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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