mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
the condom got lost in my hair
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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