I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
