She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize