that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
