The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
