Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize