i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
