and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
