We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
