I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
