Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
