My hand turned me down
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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