hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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