Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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