Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
