I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
