So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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