I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Oh god it's open bar.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
