At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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