I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
