he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
