She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
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