PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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