this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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