omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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