It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
