Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
