And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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