He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
