Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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