wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
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