My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize