By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Drake has all the answers
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