Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
