It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
