Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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