So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You had me at "let me see your balls"
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
