Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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