he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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