What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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