I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i dont even know how to be here
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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