I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
