I'm going to rape someone's good day.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i think i scared a bird with my dick
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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