God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
