Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
