is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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