and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
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