Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
