Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
