This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
