is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
