Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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