She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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