I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Randomize
