she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Randomize
