Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
